It's been too long.

It's been too long since I've posted on my blog. I know it, I'll admit it, and I'll do better.

Dreams have always played an important role in my life. I'm not talking the figurative dream, I'm talking the full on, sound asleep dream. The kind that most of us forget about after a few minutes. Why? I have no idea. I've always thought that my deams could tell me a little about myself and pose as a way (this has actually been proven BTW) to let my unconscious self talk to my conscious self and work problems out.

For me, more often than not, the energy and emotion from the dreams carry over. Many years ago I had a recurring dream of my wedding. It's kind of odd, I know but hear me out. I was in a church I had never seen before (or yet) and surrounded by friends. Some of them I recognized, and some I didn't. Turns out some of them I've met over the course of my life and remembered that they were present in this dream. (Don't tell me that I can't dream of a person I've never met... it happens despite what the Scientests will tell you) When it came down for the ceremony, my bride to be walked down the aisle, and I went to lift her veil. When I did however, There was no face. No features, just a blank slate. When I woke up, the feeling of awe, love, excitement and joy carried over. This went on for about a week. That was one of the best weeks of my life. i was more productive, active and excited about life. I felt that dream was a confirmation that at that time, I was where I needed to be and doing what I needed to be doing in order to excel.

On the other hand, I've had some doozies as of late. Most of you all know that my Father passed away in December. Last night I had a dream I wish I could forget about, but it is eating away at me even as I type. I dreamed that my father decided to fake his own death. That somehow he was able to pull it off, and decided to show up on my doorstep expecting a warm welcome and a home cooked meal. I know that is not the case adn the dream was not real, but the emotion I felt is. I was angry, hurt, upset and just downright depressed. I've buried my Father and moved on, but some reason, it just feels like he wormed his way back into my life for just a few hours simply to mess with my head. My father and I didn't have the best of relationships and he didn't understand a lot of things about me that many of my friends do. He seemed to take it as a personal insult when I told him I could not handle the drive to Amarillo to visit him because of my anxiety. No Dad, you just didn't understand. You never saw what they did to me. You never saw the after effects, and how it physically and emotionally drained me. In fact, I had an attack just a few hours ago... Kind of interesting...

Anyway, I enjoy dreaming the good dreams and try to forget the bad ones. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it though. In fact, I'm heading to bed early tonight just because I can.