Not sure where to even begin

As the title says, I'm not even sure where to begin. I've been doing a lot of self reflecting this week, and thinking about a friend of mine.

Monday night, I saw a posting on Facebook about a friend of mine named Paul being in the ICU at the hospital and his family was asking for prayers. The next morning, I got up, and checked Facebook to see if there was any news. Sadly, there was, and I found out that Paul had passed away in the night.

I was stunned. Death in general has always caused me a bit of anxiety, and I have never quite figured out why. This time, it was different. I don't know why, but it was. There was no anxiety, only peace and concern that I felt for his family. I have always liked Paul's family, and I try to keep in touch with them on Facebook.

Paul is 8 years younger than I am. I met him at church when we moved here in 1989. We became friends over the years at church, and we talked frequently. The one thing that Paul always managed to do, and still does quite well, (I'm doing it right now actually) is make me smile like there is no tomorrow. Be it a snarky remark, a funny joke, clumsy moment, or a shared passion that we talked about, he was always enthusiastic.

He loved to play games. When we first started talking regularly at church he was into I think it was Warhammer. He'd bring me his newest acquisitions and tell me all about them. It was amazing to hear him talk about them. His eyes would light up, and he'd tell me about epic battles. Often, we would both miss classes at church because we got so involved talking we would lose track of the time.

After I started going to another congregation, we lost touch. I'd see him around town from time to time, and as always, he'd bring a smile to my face as we caught up and swapped stories.

Last night, a bunch of Paul's friends gathered at Mad Hatter's game shop for a cake. Hatter and Lissa (who I work with) had gotten Paul a birthday cake for their regular D&D night. I went, and spent some time with his family and other friends.

We talked, and laughed, and remembered Paul. His family insisted that we each choose a game that Paul had so that we would have something to remember him by. I chose one that I play regularly, and always have a good time with. When I sit down with friends to play, I know Paul will be smiling down, and hollering in my ear that we're playing wrong, and need to follow the rules. That's just who Paul is, and I will chuckle every time I play.

To Carol, Leslie, Adam, Patrick and Kimberly, I say this. Thank you for letting me be part of Paul's life. I will always remember him, and the good times that we had.

Paul, I'm going to miss you bud!