Rome and Anxiety

Rome wasn't built in a day, and things that have become habit, or second nature are not going to be beaten as fast as I want.

I've had to keep this in mind the last couple of week while I've struggled to get my anxiety back under control. I have it somewhat in check, but every time it flares up, I get frustrated. I had this thing well under control, then BAM, it was back... or so it would seem.

It occurs to me that my anxiety is a living breathing thing. It's my own personal monster. I had it locked away in a cage, and could keep it under control. Somehow, I allowed that cage to become weak. It didn't happen overnight, or I would have noticed it. Rather, it was much like a mouse. Gnawing and chewing away bits at a time when I wasn't paying attention. Just as it's escape was a long and difficult procedure, getting it back into the cage and then maintining the cage is going to be doubly hard.

I was in a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) program for about 7 months doing what I am doing now, for me to be able to get it under control. It's only been a month, or maybe even two since I started having regular flare ups. Each flare is different, but I have managed to keep most of them under control, or at least a manageable level that doesn't interfere with most of my life.

I'm doing my CBT exercises again, but I have to keep reminding myself that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that as long as I keep fighting, I WILL have my Rome, and the anxiety will be under control again.