I had a thought occur to me the other day while I was at work. I suddenly sat straight up, realized I hadn't had any real anxiety in the last couple of days, and thought to my self... "Whoa. I haven't had any anxiety recently. what's wrong with me?" And, as you can expect, BAM... on came the anxiety. I was able to deal with it, but then the thought occurred to me.
"Did I just Sabotage myself?"
The definition of sabotage is listed on Dictionary.com as the following
Sabotage:
noun
1. any underhand interference with production, work, etc., in a plant, factory, etc., as by enemy agents during wartime or by employees during a trade dispute.
2. any undermining of a cause.
verb (used with object)
3.
to injure or attack by sabotage.
So not only, did I use sabotage as a NOUN which isn't bad, I used it as a VERB. An action. Which is VERY bad.
This puzzled me a bit, and so I went to a trusted friend of mine and told her what had just happened. She confirmed to me that I did indeed sabotage myself. She also kindly reminded me that not only are we our own worst critics, we are also the very best at sabotaging our progress. She gave me a pat on the back for recognizing the situation and a short pep talk. I am so grateful to have good friends at work. I highly recommend that you cultivate friendships at work if you have the chance.
Since then, anytime I start to recognize that I'm not feeling any anxiety I build myself up instead of sabotaging my efforts. Rather than asking what's wrong, I congratulate myself on a small victory. I've noticed a huge difference, and I'm finally feeling like the anxiety is mostly under control. I still have issues with anticipatory anxiety, meaning I tend to anticipate the worst outcome, but that is something I am working on.
One foot in front of the other, you vermillion-dollar man (or your own name) you! You can do it!
