Sweet Emotion?

You know, There is a funny thing that I have been thinking over and over recently in regards to my bouts with depression and anxiety.

Sometimes I wish I was Vulcan like Spock in Star Trek. To be able to completely shut out your emotions would be nice from time to time. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that if I were to turn off all emotions, and never feel anything the worse things would be for me. I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she was quick to point out that Spock was not able to forgo ALL of his emotions and often felt very deeply about things. There are plenty of instances where he showed his emotion and struggled to work through it. I began to feel that to sacrifice all feelings and emotions would be to completely destroy and sacrifice the person that I am today.

I have always been a deeply emotional person. I tend to wear them out on a sleeve where everyone can see and react. I don't know where I learned it, it just happened. I remember beeing deeply emotional as a child. I was closer to my mother than my father as he was often away. Maybe that's why.

This is going to be a real shocker. I cry. Sometimes over major things, sometimes over minor things. Sometimes I cry over nothing just to feel better. Hey, if Jesus can do it then I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to. I don't just cry when I am down either. Give me a good tearjerker movie and I'll be boo hooing with the best of them.

Today has just been a whirlwind of feelings and emotions for me. I feel good, Then I feel bad, then I feel happy, and now I am sad. It's all part of the circle of my life and something I have to learn to deal with. The point is, I'm trying to learn to control this, but part of me wants to simply let my emotions go and feel nothing but again, it would betray everything that I am.

I helped a friend move today just in town, but I find myself dealing with a sense of loss. I'm not sure why. He's not going anywhere, but it's going to be different for sure. I'll have to drive 10 minutes to see him instead of 5. Whoop De Woo.

I don't even know why I decided to write all this, it just feels good to get it out and clear my head. Now I'm off to hit the showers. Moving things makes you sweaty. I'm also gonna call my niece. She always makes me laugh.